Feelings Of Angst And Depression

I sometimes wonder if I should just give in

never to try - I know I can't win

am I just setting myself up to take a painful fall

one I've taken so many times in the past

I've always tried to convince myself these feelings will pass

that in good time they will fade

but they never do - they always seem to stay

so I think it best to give up - to give in

to let life just wash over me

and do with me what it wants

after all, I no longer have the will to fight

not when I feel I'm fighting a losing battle with life.

My Red Haired Beauty

With red hair so fine

I so wanted to make you mine.

Body so tight and slender

you always made me surrender

to your goddessness

for which I worships.

Those nights we spent together

we learned to live life to the fullest

and not waste any moments.

I would like to believe it was not all for naught

that we had our fun

learned to live life to the best.

We had our great times together

we never wanted them to end

yet we both knew it couldn't last forever,

Oh Mary Jane I wish it had though,

and I will never forget you and I hope you will never forget me.

             -MAC-

Lonely Footprints

I see my footprints in the sand

as I walk along this beach

yet when I turn around

I realize mine are all I see.

Sometimes I wonder if I

were meant to be alone

just a lonely person

forever seeking his lover, his soulmate, life-partner.

I guess I am destined to be alone forever

to never know what true love is

maybe I should give up

and concentrate on my forever.

            -MAC-

What Is It To Being A Father

What is it to be a father

For me it is the joy of watching my son grow

To be there for all his birthdays, and times he really needs me

I know someday he will grow up and move away

Have a life of his own

But I also know he would never stop needing me around.


                                  -MAC-

Bored

Why am I so bored all the time

Like nothing interests me like it used too

Life is boring for me

Sometimes I wonder if it's all worth it

To carry on when I have my serious doubts about myself

I don't know what to do

Sometimes I think if I off-myself things would be much better

But I'm not even sure that would cure what truly ails me.


                                  -MAC-

First Time Love

First Time

I remember the first time I fell in love

He and I looked deep into each other's eyes

We were only teenagers, yet we seemed so adult in what we were doing

First came the long, passionate kisses

Followed by the warm caresses of fingers over warm bodies

That led to much more things

Until we were hot and heavy into making love

We said we loved each other

I told you that "I love you" time and time, again

And you even said "I love you too" a few times

I only hope it all wasn't pretend

That those times did mean something to you

All those times we had together

All through our formidable, awkward teen years

When we wondered if anyone else loved us

That didn't matter then though. We still had each other

And those times carried on for a long time after our teen years

I wonder what happened

Why did it all have to change

I still love you the same.

                    -MAC-

Why?

Why do you treat me this way?

You say you love me then disappear  the next day.

Do you think it's funny?

Some kind of joke?

You would not think it so funny if someone were to treat you that way.

I guess I should just forget you.

My life may be better that way.


                  -MAC-