In Reflection

I remember one time looking up at the night sky and seeing three shooting stars streaking across the night sky. I wondered where they would land? Would they burn up before they hit? I was reminded how the dinosaurs were wiped out of existence by a meteor that struck the earth back then, and I wondered if will happen, again, to us. Still it was a miraculous thing to see, these three bright balls shooting across the sky. Even if someone out there launched those stars our way?

In reflection to my childhood, I remembered a scrawny, sickly kid until I got into my teens then I went from skinny to being overweight. I have since gotten my weight under control. I digress. When I was a baby I had hydrosephalus, which is a medical term for fluid on the brain. It nearly killed me. That was the reason for my sickly appearance as a boy. I remember a lot of things from my childhood, some good and some not so good. I was teased because of my appearance, called Dumbo because of my ears, teased cause my forehead was flat. Today if someone did that, they'd get their ass kicked by a very angry man who has had too much shit put upon him. But I digress, again. It was a rough time in my life, lost my mom when I was ten, so it was just me and my dad. I can still remember all those times going downtown with my mom, when she had to go to her doctor to get checked out. So many visits I worried she would be gone soon. I wish in retrospect, I had spent more time with her. Just like I wish I'd spent more time with my dad after I'd grown up and left the house. Instead, I was too concerned with partying. I guess what I get out of all this is like the Joni Mitchell song Big Yellow Taxi and a line from it, Don't it always seem to go,you don't know what you got till it's gone. They paved paradise and put up a parking lot. Can we ever really return to those times?

Why does life seem like a fleeting moment - one we can never get back or do over? Once it is gone - that's it it's over and done. There is no more. It just seems like everything goes by like I'm on a super highway, the super highway of life let's call it, where I cannot go slow, I must always go at the same racing pace as my fellow human beings. But why is that? Why can I not go my own speed - be able to enjoy the life I have? Who says I must go everyone's speed, keep up with them. It makes no sense to me. Does it to you?