Thoughts

I feel I can never go home because my home is far away, and for the time being I cannot be there. I just know that one day my prayers will be answered and I will be allowed to go home. Until then I am stuck here in Hell with all the terrible things happening, the wars for reasons no one knows or can explain. I only hope that one day I will be allowed to return home to my son, Sean, and my family who I miss terribly.

Feelings

I was recently approached with the question from a friend, who I hope one day turns more serious. "What do you do when you're lonely?" to which I responded, "I focus on my writing or play video games, anything to take my mind off my loneliness. It's true I have done those things, but the loneliness still comes back. For instance, every time I see a picture of a half naked or fully naked man in a magazine, my loneliness returns. I know, I've been fighting these feelings for quite some time now and I wonder if they ever go away, or do we need someone by our side to make them go away.

Poetry

Blinded By Her Beauty

I found myself blinded by her beauty

bathing in a sea of her elegance

it was not a passing fancy

nor was it just a glance.
*
No she caught my eye this one

and for all intentions

I thought I had found my true love

in this I had my best intentions.
*
They say love is blind

that it can quickly leave

I have seen all sides

on this I can say I can foresee
*
I have had this done to me

not once but many times

to be sure I have done my share of what they consider crimes

yet I still feel lonely.
*
I was blinded by her beauty

this is very true

but beauty can be mistaken

by any one of you.

Looking Back On Yesteryear

I just went to a party thrown by people I knew in high school and was amazed how few I remembered. We have all changed quite a bit. Oh sure there were some who's face and name I could remember, but not all. I for instance have changed, not only am I fifty now but I'm bald. My hair started falling out and I decided not to give into vanity by trying to grow it back, so I shaved my head clean. There are the noticeable gray hairs in my mustache and goatee, but you know what I earned every one of those gray hairs.

In Remembrance

In Remembrance

I just love the colors of autumn. The reds, yellows and sometimes oranges. It brings about a memory that things are changing. The time of year is changing from the heat of summer to the bitter cold of winter. To lay on the lawn around such leaves as they lay on the ground is a miraculous thing. To build a big pile of leaves then jump in them, hear them crunch under the weight of my body. Swim around in them until I came away almost looking like a tree myself, since I had so many leaves clinging to me. I remember playing football with friends during this time of year. Going for long walks because it was cooler and enjoying nature before she took that plunge into darkness we know as old man winter. Before the snow starts to fall. Yes, there are even some opportune times to do some fishing yet this time of year. It all seems so wonderful, yet I know in my heart of hearts it won't last very long.

In Reflection

I remember one time looking up at the night sky and seeing three shooting stars streaking across the night sky. I wondered where they would land? Would they burn up before they hit? I was reminded how the dinosaurs were wiped out of existence by a meteor that struck the earth back then, and I wondered if will happen, again, to us. Still it was a miraculous thing to see, these three bright balls shooting across the sky. Even if someone out there launched those stars our way?

In reflection to my childhood, I remembered a scrawny, sickly kid until I got into my teens then I went from skinny to being overweight. I have since gotten my weight under control. I digress. When I was a baby I had hydrosephalus, which is a medical term for fluid on the brain. It nearly killed me. That was the reason for my sickly appearance as a boy. I remember a lot of things from my childhood, some good and some not so good. I was teased because of my appearance, called Dumbo because of my ears, teased cause my forehead was flat. Today if someone did that, they'd get their ass kicked by a very angry man who has had too much shit put upon him. But I digress, again. It was a rough time in my life, lost my mom when I was ten, so it was just me and my dad. I can still remember all those times going downtown with my mom, when she had to go to her doctor to get checked out. So many visits I worried she would be gone soon. I wish in retrospect, I had spent more time with her. Just like I wish I'd spent more time with my dad after I'd grown up and left the house. Instead, I was too concerned with partying. I guess what I get out of all this is like the Joni Mitchell song Big Yellow Taxi and a line from it, Don't it always seem to go,you don't know what you got till it's gone. They paved paradise and put up a parking lot. Can we ever really return to those times?

Why does life seem like a fleeting moment - one we can never get back or do over? Once it is gone - that's it it's over and done. There is no more. It just seems like everything goes by like I'm on a super highway, the super highway of life let's call it, where I cannot go slow, I must always go at the same racing pace as my fellow human beings. But why is that? Why can I not go my own speed - be able to enjoy the life I have? Who says I must go everyone's speed, keep up with them. It makes no sense to me. Does it to you?

Yums

What can I say. These hunks make the clothes look good. YUM YUM