I wanted to keep everyone updated on my progress. I now have fifty three pages of poems. I have started to sort them and keep them as I want the poems to read in the book I am writing. Love Poems, Senryu And Haiku, Mood Poems, Inspirational Poems, Nature Poems, Gay Poems. There may be more categories added, and I'm sure there will be more poems added to each of these categories I mentioned. I hope to have anywhere from 150 to 200 pages of my poetry when this book is finished. I will keep you updated on how my progress is coming along.
-MAC-
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Oh How I Wish
I see a guy either around where I live or on TV, like a television personality
and I think to myself, "God, I wonder if he's gay. Or at least bisexual because
I will admit I am turned-on at looking at them. I know, I know some of them
have girlfriends or so they say, but there have been gay men and probably a few women
who have hidden behind the straight mask. Now I'm not going to name names here, that
would be rude and tacky. I will say they come in different heights, color of eyes that range
from blue to brown, hair that ranges from blond, dark blond, light brown, brown, and even
black. They are out there and rumors have flown about them being gay.
All I can do is sit here and wish you were gay or bisexual, and dream about us together
and all the lovely things we would do.
-MAC-
and I think to myself, "God, I wonder if he's gay. Or at least bisexual because
I will admit I am turned-on at looking at them. I know, I know some of them
have girlfriends or so they say, but there have been gay men and probably a few women
who have hidden behind the straight mask. Now I'm not going to name names here, that
would be rude and tacky. I will say they come in different heights, color of eyes that range
from blue to brown, hair that ranges from blond, dark blond, light brown, brown, and even
black. They are out there and rumors have flown about them being gay.
All I can do is sit here and wish you were gay or bisexual, and dream about us together
and all the lovely things we would do.
-MAC-
Friday, August 23, 2013
More Senryu And Haiku Poetry
Long silky brown hair
curvy body - beautiful eyes and face
there is no one else in this world or place.
Night sky filled with twinkling stars
some crashing asunder
oh how I love to lay here under.
-MAC-
curvy body - beautiful eyes and face
there is no one else in this world or place.
Night sky filled with twinkling stars
some crashing asunder
oh how I love to lay here under.
-MAC-
Monday, August 19, 2013
Senryu And Haiku Poems
Senryu Poetry
______________________________
Soft beautiful eyes
delicate facial features
you show how beauty should be worn.
______________________________
Strawberry blond hair
soft brown eyes that sparkle so
muscular body to
_______________________________
Angel eyes of yours
flying on Angel wings high
why did you die why.
________________________________
Haiku Poetry
________________________________
Sky so clear and blue
only a few clouds float by
a warm summer day.
_______________________________
Leaves turning colors
reds, yellow, purple, amber
beauty never lost.
_______________________________
Foamy waves crashing
the ocean is a thrashing around
crashing onto a sandy beach.
-MAC-
______________________________
Soft beautiful eyes
delicate facial features
you show how beauty should be worn.
______________________________
Strawberry blond hair
soft brown eyes that sparkle so
muscular body to
_______________________________
Angel eyes of yours
flying on Angel wings high
why did you die why.
________________________________
Haiku Poetry
________________________________
Sky so clear and blue
only a few clouds float by
a warm summer day.
_______________________________
Leaves turning colors
reds, yellow, purple, amber
beauty never lost.
_______________________________
Foamy waves crashing
the ocean is a thrashing around
crashing onto a sandy beach.
-MAC-
Monday, August 12, 2013
Joyous Meeting
I just yesterday attended a joyous meeting of a group of us LGBT. For those of you who don't know what LGBT means it means Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transsexual. It was fun to sit around and drink coffee, or tea, pop with these people and get to know each other. I found it quite interesting and can't wait till the meeting in September.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Inspiration
Inspiration where does it come from?
Some say it's 90% labor and 10% perspiration
I know myself that it comes in many forms
whether it be just viewing my surroundings
to things I read
even video games I play have inspired the writer in me
it's hard to say and I don't know what inspires other writers
but there are so many things that inspire me.
-MAC-
Some say it's 90% labor and 10% perspiration
I know myself that it comes in many forms
whether it be just viewing my surroundings
to things I read
even video games I play have inspired the writer in me
it's hard to say and I don't know what inspires other writers
but there are so many things that inspire me.
-MAC-
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Sometimes I....
Sometimes I want to sleep all the time
that's the only thing I'm good at and nothing else
sometimes I wonder why try
when no one cares why
then, again, isn't life just one big lie.
that's the only thing I'm good at and nothing else
sometimes I wonder why try
when no one cares why
then, again, isn't life just one big lie.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Yummy Yumm Yumm!!!
Okay I don't know what's up with one lens missing in his glasses but I overlook that when I see a muscular body like this. Yumm Yumm!!!
Yummy Yumm Yumm!!!
Don't know about all of you but I could wait in at the laundry mat with a young guy like this. Yumm Yumm!!!
Yummy Yumm Yumm!!!
I know he's a little old but look at those rippling muscles, and washboard stomach. It screams Yum!!!
Thursday, August 1, 2013
I Sometimes Look At Things...
Like I'm looking through a fisheyed lens
all blurry and distant
muddled and scrambled
never making any sense
I feel like I'm looking through teary eyes
looking at things underwater
where everything is stained
strained and not refined
this is the way
I Sometimes Look At Things
-MAC-
all blurry and distant
muddled and scrambled
never making any sense
I feel like I'm looking through teary eyes
looking at things underwater
where everything is stained
strained and not refined
this is the way
I Sometimes Look At Things
-MAC-
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
What Would You Do? (Poem)
If I told you I love you
what would you do
would you run away
or would you stay.
*
Is falling in love so hard
I know being heartbroken is sad
I have been down that road many times
it seems that road never ends.
*
Telling one you love them
shouldn't be so hard to do
letting them feel it, hear it, see it, know it
is all up to me and you.
-MAC-
what would you do
would you run away
or would you stay.
*
Is falling in love so hard
I know being heartbroken is sad
I have been down that road many times
it seems that road never ends.
*
Telling one you love them
shouldn't be so hard to do
letting them feel it, hear it, see it, know it
is all up to me and you.
-MAC-
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
He Comes To Me In The Darkness Of My Mind (A Poem For Mark Jay Patterson) (Redux)
His name is Mark Jay Patterson
he comes to me in the darkness of my mind
where he sits and awaits me, haunts me every time
with every turn I make, and all of my every decisions.
He thinks he is in control of mine
we fight about this many times
yet he always wins
I'm not sure where I end and he begins.
I fear he is taking me over, once more
as I feel him controlling my thoughts and actions
into my brain he bores
he is such a Bastard for what he has done to me, yet I cannot control his deeds.
Oh no, here comes the pain, again
the terrible pain I associate with his being
he is like an everlasting ghost
an Almighty Being always heard, felt, but never seen.
-MAC-
It's Not Your Fault (Poem)
We said one day we would marry
that each-other we would carry
never to have doubts
everything we would work out.
It's Not Your Fault
It's Not Your Fault
Through life we would stay pure to one-another
and never stray to another
yet you did just that
and it hurt me, oh I was hurt by it.
It's Not Your Fault
It's Not Your Fault
And when we are old and gray
we will still have much to say
as we sit with our grandchildren and play
yet it never was to be that way.
It's Not Your Fault
It's Not Your Fault
And when we are dead
and Heaven bound
we still must hold our sacred marriage ground
and yet I will always think
It's Not Your Fault
It's Not Your Fault.
-MAC-
that each-other we would carry
never to have doubts
everything we would work out.
It's Not Your Fault
It's Not Your Fault
Through life we would stay pure to one-another
and never stray to another
yet you did just that
and it hurt me, oh I was hurt by it.
It's Not Your Fault
It's Not Your Fault
And when we are old and gray
we will still have much to say
as we sit with our grandchildren and play
yet it never was to be that way.
It's Not Your Fault
It's Not Your Fault
And when we are dead
and Heaven bound
we still must hold our sacred marriage ground
and yet I will always think
It's Not Your Fault
It's Not Your Fault.
-MAC-
Saturday, July 13, 2013
It Hurts To Let Go (Poem)
Sunny skies
playing all day
playing tags
in that father and son way.
It Hurts To Let Go
I wish it never had to end
you were taken from me in such a way
there was nothing I could do or say
I knew it was going to end.
It Hurts To Let Go
I feel we never had much time
it all seemed so sublime
no reason or rhyme
for why your time had come.
It Hurts To Let Go.
For My Ten Year Old Son, Sean. 9-24-1989 to 5-11-2000. Dead But Not Forgotten.
MAC
playing all day
playing tags
in that father and son way.
It Hurts To Let Go
I wish it never had to end
you were taken from me in such a way
there was nothing I could do or say
I knew it was going to end.
It Hurts To Let Go
I feel we never had much time
it all seemed so sublime
no reason or rhyme
for why your time had come.
It Hurts To Let Go.
For My Ten Year Old Son, Sean. 9-24-1989 to 5-11-2000. Dead But Not Forgotten.
MAC
Monday, July 8, 2013
Thank You All
I am at 3001 Views of my Blog, and I just want to say thank you to all of you who have been hanging with me and viewing my blog, and taking the time to read what I have written. I encourage all of you to please leave a comment. Again, Thank You.
XOXOXOXOXO, Mark
XOXOXOXOXO, Mark
Friday, July 5, 2013
My Love (Erotic Poem)
Laying on our sides
me behind you
I bring you leg up high, and let my hand slide
that made you ready for what I was about to do
I push inside you and began to thrust
you cry out in such lust
the final act is clear
when I cum inside you, my dear.
-MAC-
me behind you
I bring you leg up high, and let my hand slide
that made you ready for what I was about to do
I push inside you and began to thrust
you cry out in such lust
the final act is clear
when I cum inside you, my dear.
-MAC-
First Time (Erotic Poem)
I admit the first time you went inside me
I knew there would be pain
you filled me with glee
I knew now what a cock inside me felt like and I wondered if I ever would, again
You thrust inside my hole
yes I always felt so alive, so whole
then came the best part. Your cum flooding me
it made me feel I was flying high, free.
-MAC-
I knew there would be pain
you filled me with glee
I knew now what a cock inside me felt like and I wondered if I ever would, again
You thrust inside my hole
yes I always felt so alive, so whole
then came the best part. Your cum flooding me
it made me feel I was flying high, free.
-MAC-
Young Love (Poem)
The day I met you you were a young male
yet I hoped we would grow together
we done things that would make others blush or go pale
so many times we were linked together someway or other
we spent a lot of time doing stuff we loved
never did we not hugged
it always seemed to me. The way we were
so happy and gleeful it seemed to me.
-MAC-
yet I hoped we would grow together
we done things that would make others blush or go pale
so many times we were linked together someway or other
we spent a lot of time doing stuff we loved
never did we not hugged
it always seemed to me. The way we were
so happy and gleeful it seemed to me.
-MAC-
The Beauty (Poem)
Long black hair flowing like
your beauty is seductive
I always thought we were alike
you always seemed so alive
I share with you my deepest thoughts
tell you about all my haunts
you hold me close to you
because this is just what you do.
-MAC-
your beauty is seductive
I always thought we were alike
you always seemed so alive
I share with you my deepest thoughts
tell you about all my haunts
you hold me close to you
because this is just what you do.
-MAC-
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Fourth Of July
It has come to my attention
and by that I mean I just thought of it (LOL)
our country is celebrating Independence Day this Thursday which will be July,4th.
For my followers from other countries, it is the day in 1776 when the United States
succeeded from the British. It's a big thing here in my country. Families get together
often have cookouts, then watch fireworks like those in these two pictures.
So we'll sit back this Thursday and celebrate our Independence.
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY !!!!
-MAC-
Just Not Sure
Not sure what I want to do with my life
where I want to be in the near future
what I want to be doing
whether or not I want to have someone special in my life
which I have pretty much given up on
it all seems so confusing
much too much for me to try to figure out
nothing I do seems to matter anymore
seems I'm just spinning my wheels
but am getting nowhere except deeper down a hole
I wonder if I should try
I'm Just Not Sure.
-MAC-
where I want to be in the near future
what I want to be doing
whether or not I want to have someone special in my life
which I have pretty much given up on
it all seems so confusing
much too much for me to try to figure out
nothing I do seems to matter anymore
seems I'm just spinning my wheels
but am getting nowhere except deeper down a hole
I wonder if I should try
I'm Just Not Sure.
-MAC-
Thursday, June 27, 2013
I Think Of You
When I look up in the sky I think of you
when I see all the stars shining bright I think of you
when I see small children at play I think of you
I think I wished you could have stayed
and not gone away so soon
everything about you is always in my thoughts
my prayers, my hopes and my dreams
I don't think I can ever stop thinking of you
I miss you so much Sean. You were my son
gone too soon in life at only ten.
Daddy will always be thinking of you, remembering you
I Love You.
when I see all the stars shining bright I think of you
when I see small children at play I think of you
I think I wished you could have stayed
and not gone away so soon
everything about you is always in my thoughts
my prayers, my hopes and my dreams
I don't think I can ever stop thinking of you
I miss you so much Sean. You were my son
gone too soon in life at only ten.
Daddy will always be thinking of you, remembering you
I Love You.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Why Try (Poem)
Why try
might as well just lay down and die
there's nothing else to say
nobody cares anyway
everything seems just a lie.
*
Everything seems to fade away
Why can't I make them stay
Why do they treat me this way
There's nothing else to say.
*
Might as well just lay down and die
Why try
Nobody cares
Why do they treat me this way.
-MAC-
might as well just lay down and die
there's nothing else to say
nobody cares anyway
everything seems just a lie.
*
Everything seems to fade away
Why can't I make them stay
Why do they treat me this way
There's nothing else to say.
*
Might as well just lay down and die
Why try
Nobody cares
Why do they treat me this way.
-MAC-
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Why Is It So Hard
Why is it so hard to understand me
to make me feel good inside about myself
to feel loved and not rejected
the way I've felt most of my life
too many failed relationships have come and gone
no one seems to stay
they all just go away
and leave me here alone with a broken heart
Why is it so hard to understand how I feel?
Why Is It So Hard?
to make me feel good inside about myself
to feel loved and not rejected
the way I've felt most of my life
too many failed relationships have come and gone
no one seems to stay
they all just go away
and leave me here alone with a broken heart
Why is it so hard to understand how I feel?
Why Is It So Hard?
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Angel Of Mine (A Poem)
Your hair is black and silky
your eyes a deep dark onyx
your face is one - one must never forget
and your body is soft, warm and smooth.
*
Your eyes are a deep dark onyx
I'll never forget how it felt to hold one another's nude bodies
your face is one - one must never forget
for as long as eternity.
*
Your body is both beauty and art
things I can't ever recall seeing before
I just want to hold you and never let us part
to be like this forevermore.
*
Things I can't ever recall seeing before
Your beauty brings about happiness
Making me smile every time I see you
Do you know how that really makes me feel?
*
Your beauty brings about happiness
Your hair is black and silky
To be like this forevermore
That is the way I want to spend my days my life-partner.
-MAC-
your eyes a deep dark onyx
your face is one - one must never forget
and your body is soft, warm and smooth.
*
Your eyes are a deep dark onyx
I'll never forget how it felt to hold one another's nude bodies
your face is one - one must never forget
for as long as eternity.
*
Your body is both beauty and art
things I can't ever recall seeing before
I just want to hold you and never let us part
to be like this forevermore.
*
Things I can't ever recall seeing before
Your beauty brings about happiness
Making me smile every time I see you
Do you know how that really makes me feel?
*
Your beauty brings about happiness
Your hair is black and silky
To be like this forevermore
That is the way I want to spend my days my life-partner.
-MAC-
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Beauty And Soul (A Poem)
With hair dark as coal silky as satin
eyes a dark brown that reflect the light
tall and nicely built
you are truly a vision of loveliness.
*
Eyes a dark brown that reflect the light
I watch you walk the halls at school
you are truly a vision of loveliness
you almost glide along effortlessly like an angel.
*
I watch you walk the halls at school
you made me love you from the first time I saw you
I wondered if maybe I wasn't just being a fool
maybe there was never anything between us two.
*
You made me love you from the first time I saw you
With a body tall and slender
Maybe there was never anything between us two
You were as soft as you were tender.
*
With a body tall and slender
With hair dark as coal silky as satin
You were as soft as you were tender
For this reason Teri I will always love and cherish you.
-MAC-
eyes a dark brown that reflect the light
tall and nicely built
you are truly a vision of loveliness.
*
Eyes a dark brown that reflect the light
I watch you walk the halls at school
you are truly a vision of loveliness
you almost glide along effortlessly like an angel.
*
I watch you walk the halls at school
you made me love you from the first time I saw you
I wondered if maybe I wasn't just being a fool
maybe there was never anything between us two.
*
You made me love you from the first time I saw you
With a body tall and slender
Maybe there was never anything between us two
You were as soft as you were tender.
*
With a body tall and slender
With hair dark as coal silky as satin
You were as soft as you were tender
For this reason Teri I will always love and cherish you.
-MAC-
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Clouds
As I lay here looking up at the clouds floating by
I can't help wondering what if anything is on them?
Are there angels that close to us, watching over us?
It really makes me wonder.
And they are of all different shapes and sizes
I will admit some actually do look a little like animals
In there own strange and unique way
So I think I will continue to lay here and watch the clouds
As they pass on by
And wonder is there really someone up there -
Perhaps even one of our guardian angels ?
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Is This Love So Wrong (Poetry)
There's so much more to loving someone of your own sex
it's much more than sucking and fucking
it has to do with trust
trust and love that must be earned
the way I loved my lover -
and he loved me too
our love was built on trust and love for each other
so many times we went to bed and
lay there holding, caressing and kissing
it was always a pleasure
it meant something deep
something lasting and sincere
always without fear
about what other people thought about our love
about the fact we were two Gay males
we weren't ashamed of what we were
Is This Love So Wrong
no we don't think so.
-MAC-
(Poetry) Princess
Like a vibrant flower you bloom
hair long and red
body slender and petite
long curvy legs and dancer's feet
*
Hair long and red
Mary Jane I saw you standing before me
Body slender and petite
you looked so good to me.
*
Mary Jane I saw you standing before me in all her beauty and splendor
a statuesque beauty with grace and poise
You looked so good to me
giving me always the reason to love you
*
A statuesque beauty with grace and poise
Mary Jane stands before me in all her beauty and splendor
the likes I think I shall never again gaze upon
just looking at you makes me feel lightheaded - so in love
*
Mary Jane stands before me in all her beauty and splendor
Like a vibrant flower you bloom
Just looking at you makes me feel lightheaded - so in love
Body slender and petite.
-MAC-
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Who Are You My Angel?
I never saw your face
only heard your voice through a friend
who says you are interested in me
are you like me
too shy to approach someone you really like
what a shame it seems to throw away something that could be special
for only that one reason.
Now I wonder if we will ever have the joy of meeting
of seeing if something may have happened between us
possibly a relationship that might have been
but we may never know that now
Who are you my angel?
only heard your voice through a friend
who says you are interested in me
are you like me
too shy to approach someone you really like
what a shame it seems to throw away something that could be special
for only that one reason.
Now I wonder if we will ever have the joy of meeting
of seeing if something may have happened between us
possibly a relationship that might have been
but we may never know that now
Who are you my angel?
Read Me
You say you can read me like a book
Yet you never gave me a second look
Why is that?
What is the reason for it?
Do you think you're too good for me?
Am I that far below you?
You don't know me
So how can you say those things about me
Act like I'm no good for you
Maybe you're just no good for me.
Yet you never gave me a second look
Why is that?
What is the reason for it?
Do you think you're too good for me?
Am I that far below you?
You don't know me
So how can you say those things about me
Act like I'm no good for you
Maybe you're just no good for me.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
It All Reminds Me Of You
Every time I smell fresh strawberries it reminds me of smelling your hair
Each time my hands touch something smooth it reminds me of your skin.
Each time I hear the wind whispering I think of you whispering to me in our bed
Each time I see someone tall and slender it reminds me of you
Every time I see a picture in a magazine of two male lovers it reminds me of you
In short a lot has reminded me of you lately, maybe I want you back
We should sit down and talk. We owe each other that much.
-MAC-
Each time my hands touch something smooth it reminds me of your skin.
Each time I hear the wind whispering I think of you whispering to me in our bed
Each time I see someone tall and slender it reminds me of you
Every time I see a picture in a magazine of two male lovers it reminds me of you
In short a lot has reminded me of you lately, maybe I want you back
We should sit down and talk. We owe each other that much.
-MAC-
Monday, May 20, 2013
Why Try
Why try I ask myself why.
No one likes my writing so why try
No one likes me but I don't know why
There must be a hidden reason behind their blind hatred
I never done anyone wrong
No never done anything to anyone
That would cause them to feel the way they do
Not sure what this whole world is about
Is it who they listen to that makes them think the way they do
Are they mere puppets controlled by a mad puppet master
I sit here sad and lonely
Feeling sorry for myself.
So low I feel like a heavy weight
Sometimes I feel like I should go back to the way I was in my 30s
Maybe that's what I need to start over and just let go
Feel free to fly high where no one can touch me
I'd be on golden wings because that's the way I felt then
The only thing that bothered me then was him
My evil self I try to keep hidden deep inside me
Tried never to let him out
Yet I wonder if I'd be happier living the way I did then
High as a bird in flight.
Yes - Yes soaring across the sky
That would be me never afraid to die.
-MAC-
No one likes my writing so why try
No one likes me but I don't know why
There must be a hidden reason behind their blind hatred
I never done anyone wrong
No never done anything to anyone
That would cause them to feel the way they do
Not sure what this whole world is about
Is it who they listen to that makes them think the way they do
Are they mere puppets controlled by a mad puppet master
I sit here sad and lonely
Feeling sorry for myself.
So low I feel like a heavy weight
Sometimes I feel like I should go back to the way I was in my 30s
Maybe that's what I need to start over and just let go
Feel free to fly high where no one can touch me
I'd be on golden wings because that's the way I felt then
The only thing that bothered me then was him
My evil self I try to keep hidden deep inside me
Tried never to let him out
Yet I wonder if I'd be happier living the way I did then
High as a bird in flight.
Yes - Yes soaring across the sky
That would be me never afraid to die.
-MAC-
Friday, May 17, 2013
The A-Z's Of Sex
A - Asshole, Anal Sex
B - Blissful, Balls Sucking
C - Cock, Cum, Cocksucking
D - Doggie Style
E - Ejaculation
F - Fucking, Fetishes
G - Groping
H - Horny, Hand-Job
I - In Love
J - Jacking -Off, Jizz
K - Kinky, Kissing
L - Loving.
M - Masturbation
N - Nude.
O - Oral and Orgasm
P - Pinching, Piercing, Panties, Penis
Q - Queer, Quickie
R - Rimming, Rush
S - Stripping, Sucking, Sixty-Nine Spooning, Slurping.
T - Threesome, Throating, Tea-Bagging. (See Balls Sucking It Means The Same Thing. LOL)
U - Underwear
V - Very Feminine
Y - Yank it
Z - Zesty Sex, Zip it up :)
B - Blissful, Balls Sucking
C - Cock, Cum, Cocksucking
D - Doggie Style
E - Ejaculation
F - Fucking, Fetishes
G - Groping
H - Horny, Hand-Job
I - In Love
J - Jacking -Off, Jizz
K - Kinky, Kissing
L - Loving.
M - Masturbation
N - Nude.
O - Oral and Orgasm
P - Pinching, Piercing, Panties, Penis
Q - Queer, Quickie
R - Rimming, Rush
S - Stripping, Sucking, Sixty-Nine Spooning, Slurping.
T - Threesome, Throating, Tea-Bagging. (See Balls Sucking It Means The Same Thing. LOL)
U - Underwear
V - Very Feminine
Y - Yank it
Z - Zesty Sex, Zip it up :)
Thursday, May 16, 2013
I Would Like To Take A Moment
First I want to thank all of you people for viewing my blog. I would like to encourage everyone to leave a comment, suggestions on how I can change things or if something is confusing how is it confusing. This will only make my writing stronger.
Thank You - MAC
Thank You - MAC
Monday, May 13, 2013
Why Am I Here?
I often wonder that each day
then every night when I go to bed
I lay there and before falling asleep
I pray I will fall asleep and never awaken
eternal peace with
no worries, no more pain
no more hatred from people who claim they fucking care when they don't give a damn!
yet I still awaken and trudge through another day
trying to find my way, make my way through all the bullshit that is called life
what is wrong with me that I can't find someone to love
am I so fucking flawed that I'm unlovable?
you know people beauty is only skin deep
take a look in the mirror sometime
you're not perfect either!
so I lay in my bed and I wonder why am I here?
then every night when I go to bed
I lay there and before falling asleep
I pray I will fall asleep and never awaken
eternal peace with
no worries, no more pain
no more hatred from people who claim they fucking care when they don't give a damn!
yet I still awaken and trudge through another day
trying to find my way, make my way through all the bullshit that is called life
what is wrong with me that I can't find someone to love
am I so fucking flawed that I'm unlovable?
you know people beauty is only skin deep
take a look in the mirror sometime
you're not perfect either!
so I lay in my bed and I wonder why am I here?
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Torture Scenes From "Asylum City" A Mark Jay Patterson Novel
This is a scene from the novel I am working on called "Asylum City". In this scene my protagonist, Narcotics Detective Mark Jay Patterson is brought to my antagonist, Jonathan Lawrence Dramon, a drug smuggler. In this is one scene where Dramon tortures Patterson. Enjoy and feel free to leave comments.
Sensory Deprivation Tank
Patterson was brought into the large back room of the warehouse, by two of Dramon's men and dropped onto the floor. Dramon stared at him smiling.
"Get him in the chair and ready for the injection of the drug," Dramon told his men.
The same two men who brought him in held him seated in a wooden chair. Patterson saw the smiling, sadistic face of Jonathan Lawrence Dramon approaching him. Dramon squatted in front of Patterson , then he showed him a hypodermic needle.
"Now I know you're aware of what one of these is," he said still smiling sadistically. "Because I know you've stolen heroin from my people and used it on yourself."
He then tapped the inside of Patterson's right elbow till he found a vein. "Only this is LSD. Pleasant nightmares, Mr. Patterson."
Patterson looked down at his arm, seeing the needle drawing closer to his skin. When he felt the prick of the needle, he let out a guttural moan that sounded like a dying animal.
The effects of the LSD were immediate. Everything around him became distorted, surreal. He didn't even feel the two men pick him up by the arms.
"Take him to the tank and get him ready to take his fatal plunge," Dramon told his two men.
Patterson noticed their arms and hands were meaty globs that had no shape or form. They just seemed to hang there. He was dragged to the top of four metal steps, unable to do anything to free himself by this time.
"I think you will find this tank to be like nothing you've ever seen before Mr. Patterson. It's called a Sensory Deprivation Tank, and it is filled with water at body temperature. Now in a few minutes my men will be attaching wires to your head, so I can monitor your brain waves."
Patterson's struggles to free himself were futile, as the two men had a tight grip on him.
Dramon gave him an eerie laugh. "Very soon Mr. Patterson you will begin having horrible nightmares, like none you have had before."
He then looked over at his men. "Lower him in."
Dramon walked over to the window on the front of the tank, and wiped away the steam. He peered inside, then smiled and laughed as he watched Patterson's body twitching. He could only imagine what was going through his mind at the moment.
"That's right Mr. Patterson. You're finding out for the first time in your miserable life what pain and suffering feels like. Enjoy," he said.
Patterson began remembering things about his childhood, all the really bad things. Things he had not thought about in years. He remembered a time he and a friend went swimming in a pond, on his friend's relative's farm.
They swam out quite a ways, too far, and Patterson began struggling to stay afloat. He started panicking and his friend had to come over, put his arm around him and help him back to shore. As he recalled this, his legs kicked his arms flung wildly about inside the tank, like he was remembering how close he came to death that day.
He recalled another part of his life, when he and Tiffany Dramon argued over the fact she had come in on him having sex with her younger sister, Kari.
She screamed at him. "You never listen to me Mark."
He raised his voice to her. "I told you I love you."
"Yeah and then I find out your fucking my sister."
"Yeah I admit Kari and I had something at one time."
"You never listen to me, Mark," she said. "Why won't you listen to me?
"You keep saying that. I listen to you all the time."
"Yeah like when I tell you Jonathan is doing nothing illegal like smuggling drugs, yet you still snoop around here like that's what he was doing."
"Maybe this whole relationship was a bad idea Tiffany," he said.
"You're some piece of work Mark, and to think I wanted to start a family with you."
"You're nothing special either."
Jolts of electricity were then sent through him. He kicked the wall with his heels of his feet, while punching it with his closed fists.
After a few minutes Dramon told his men, "Release him, and take him out through the back door. Throw him in the alley. Let his friends find him."
Sensory Deprivation Tank
Patterson was brought into the large back room of the warehouse, by two of Dramon's men and dropped onto the floor. Dramon stared at him smiling.
"Get him in the chair and ready for the injection of the drug," Dramon told his men.
The same two men who brought him in held him seated in a wooden chair. Patterson saw the smiling, sadistic face of Jonathan Lawrence Dramon approaching him. Dramon squatted in front of Patterson , then he showed him a hypodermic needle.
"Now I know you're aware of what one of these is," he said still smiling sadistically. "Because I know you've stolen heroin from my people and used it on yourself."
He then tapped the inside of Patterson's right elbow till he found a vein. "Only this is LSD. Pleasant nightmares, Mr. Patterson."
Patterson looked down at his arm, seeing the needle drawing closer to his skin. When he felt the prick of the needle, he let out a guttural moan that sounded like a dying animal.
The effects of the LSD were immediate. Everything around him became distorted, surreal. He didn't even feel the two men pick him up by the arms.
"Take him to the tank and get him ready to take his fatal plunge," Dramon told his two men.
Patterson noticed their arms and hands were meaty globs that had no shape or form. They just seemed to hang there. He was dragged to the top of four metal steps, unable to do anything to free himself by this time.
"I think you will find this tank to be like nothing you've ever seen before Mr. Patterson. It's called a Sensory Deprivation Tank, and it is filled with water at body temperature. Now in a few minutes my men will be attaching wires to your head, so I can monitor your brain waves."
Patterson's struggles to free himself were futile, as the two men had a tight grip on him.
Dramon gave him an eerie laugh. "Very soon Mr. Patterson you will begin having horrible nightmares, like none you have had before."
He then looked over at his men. "Lower him in."
Dramon walked over to the window on the front of the tank, and wiped away the steam. He peered inside, then smiled and laughed as he watched Patterson's body twitching. He could only imagine what was going through his mind at the moment.
"That's right Mr. Patterson. You're finding out for the first time in your miserable life what pain and suffering feels like. Enjoy," he said.
Patterson began remembering things about his childhood, all the really bad things. Things he had not thought about in years. He remembered a time he and a friend went swimming in a pond, on his friend's relative's farm.
They swam out quite a ways, too far, and Patterson began struggling to stay afloat. He started panicking and his friend had to come over, put his arm around him and help him back to shore. As he recalled this, his legs kicked his arms flung wildly about inside the tank, like he was remembering how close he came to death that day.
He recalled another part of his life, when he and Tiffany Dramon argued over the fact she had come in on him having sex with her younger sister, Kari.
She screamed at him. "You never listen to me Mark."
He raised his voice to her. "I told you I love you."
"Yeah and then I find out your fucking my sister."
"Yeah I admit Kari and I had something at one time."
"You never listen to me, Mark," she said. "Why won't you listen to me?
"You keep saying that. I listen to you all the time."
"Yeah like when I tell you Jonathan is doing nothing illegal like smuggling drugs, yet you still snoop around here like that's what he was doing."
"Maybe this whole relationship was a bad idea Tiffany," he said.
"You're some piece of work Mark, and to think I wanted to start a family with you."
"You're nothing special either."
Jolts of electricity were then sent through him. He kicked the wall with his heels of his feet, while punching it with his closed fists.
After a few minutes Dramon told his men, "Release him, and take him out through the back door. Throw him in the alley. Let his friends find him."
Monday, May 6, 2013
From Darkness Into Light
Out of darkness and into the light
I feel sometimes I am walking along a dark path
or down a long hallway which I know not where it will lead me
and I feel frightened by the uncertainty
but the worse part is I have no one beside me to hold
to keep me from shivering when I am in these dark places
I just keep roaming and wondering will I ever find my true love
my soulmate or am I dreaming all this?
Is this all just a dream I have been living over and over in my head
one I cannot awaken from no matter how much I try?
I'd love to believe you're out there my love-waiting for me
and someday soon we can hold one another and guide each other
through this dark maze of uncertainty that is called life.
-MAC-
Monday, April 29, 2013
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Celebration Of Two Thousand Views.
Just wanted to take a moment and thank all my viewers out there, who have made this blog site what it is. I am passing the 2000 view of my blog. Gosh it seems like only yesterday I started this thing. It would be one year this June that I started. Anyway I just want to thank all of you and I will try to post more on here for you to see. Again Thank You. XOXOXOXOXOXO
To Be Free - Poetry
To Be Free
To live
To fly
To never die
Just like clouds in the sky
To never again have to grieve
To let the wind soar beneath my wings
The way they make the wind sing
To lift on high
Forever touching the sky
These are things that please me
For I would be like a plastic bag
The wind picked up and made dance
That would be the kind of freedom for me
Never - ever any worries
Then I wake up and find it's only a dream
To the Heavens makes me want to scream.
-MAC-
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Poetry
Love Letter # 5.1
I always wondered what love was and was I missing out
Love it seems is always alluding me - an illusion to me
Over and over, again
Very much seemed to be playing a game with me
Every day and in every way
Day after day my heart ached for something I could not have
Teasing me - abusing me
Every chance it got
Ridiculing me
It always seemed to fleeting this thing called love
Day and night I dreamed of her and I being together
Always together holding each other in our arms
Seeing her dark brown eyes as I stared into them with mine
Over and over we told each other how in love we were
Very much we wanted to build a life and family together
In all it all seems but a dream - one I feel I can never awaken from
Catching myself hearing her voice whispering to me in my sleep
Hearing her as though she were laying next to me in my bed.
-MAC-
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Poetry
Why Am I So Fearful
Why must I be so fearful of mistakes and rejections
I've asked myself that many times
when I should just be looking ahead
to a bright new future on the horizon
yet I never see the silver lining in the clouds
only the dark horizons
I seem to be doomed to make the same mistakes in life
because I never take any chances - any risks
so I wonder if I should not be so fearful of mistakes and rejections
go full bore ahead and set my sights on things to come
the good things and not the bad
to be less fearful of all things, whether it be relationships, money, or life itself
these are things I wonder.
-MAC-
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Dreams - What Do They Mean?
What are dreams?
Are they the things we wish to come true for ourselves?
Or are they merely wishful thinking?
I've noticed some dreams I wake up from and can't recall all of it
That is when I wish there was a dreamcatcher that would capture my dreams
And hold them so I could see and study them
Some of those nasty nightmares maybe I could make sense of
Like the times I am falling or feel like I'm drowning and can't breath
Yet I am unable to awaken myself
I feel so helpless during those times like someone else is controlling me
Maybe that is it, a higher source is controlling us and we cannot do
What we think we must in our dreams
What we think we must in our dreams
Then there are those dreams of passion, when I am in bed with the man I love
We kiss, fondle, hold each other and eventually make passionate love
We kiss, fondle, hold each other and eventually make passionate love
I think I'm getting hard just thinking about it, so I better stop now
Before I lose control and cum in my pants. LOL.
-MAC-
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Dreams I'm Falling
I've had this dream often that I am about to fall and even though I try my best to catch myself
before it happens I find out I cannot stop myself from falling. In my dream I am standing at the top of a canyon looking down, and all of a sudden I slip and fall right off. Other times I am standing atop a building and I'm looking down, lose my balance and start to fall off. In all these dreams no matter how hard I try to stop this from happening it still does. It's the freakiest thing ever.
Yesteryear 1,2,3. Pt.2
Monday, December 31, 2012
Poetry
My Love
Teardrop eyes - long silky black hair
Everything reminds me of you
Reminder of how everything brings back memories of our affair
In everything I say or do.
*
Destined to see where life would bring us
All at once we were driven apart
Somewhere along that crazy highway of life
Oh I will always think of you as a work of art
Very much I wonder if we were still together - would you be my wife
Is there such a possibility
Could we have not changed our futures
Had it have to be this way.
Poetry
The One I Loved
I met a woman who was the love of my life
we made each other stronger
so in love with her I wanted to make her my wife
we would never go to bed angry at one
another
Then came the day she told me
she was giving me a son
I felt like the luckiest man under the sun
we worked hard those nine months to make ends meet
she was so ecstatic - for soon she would be a
mother
Then came the day our son Brandon was born
we promised ourselves to never fight - never scorn
and for the longest time I remember
we just stared in fascination at him
this little boy who made our love stronger.
I met a woman who was the love of my life
we made each other stronger
so in love with her I wanted to make her my wife
we would never go to bed angry at one
another
Then came the day she told me
she was giving me a son
I felt like the luckiest man under the sun
we worked hard those nine months to make ends meet
she was so ecstatic - for soon she would be a
mother
Then came the day our son Brandon was born
we promised ourselves to never fight - never scorn
and for the longest time I remember
we just stared in fascination at him
this little boy who made our love stronger.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Poetry
Lost Too Young
(A Poem For Teri Dasovich)
As I stood at your grave and watched your twin sister
grieving over the loss of her beloved twin
I wonder what sort of relationship you had with her
was it happy or sad within?
I hope there were never any feelings of anger between you and her
no ill thoughts of any kind.
You were only nineteen years old when you left this world
so tragically that day you were taken away
yet as I stare at your sister - I know we are both bereft
at the sadness of your passing that way.
I think we all wish to remember you
how you could always make us laugh and smile
as it never came difficult of you to do
you just had that special gift Teri
and that is why I will always be in love with you.
Poetry
Loved And Lost
We danced the dance of lovers
for in actuality
we were like no others.
yes we had our own unique personality
*
It all seemed like it would never end
at least that was the way I did see
in the end it was not us - in the end it was only me.
*
You took the wrong advice my love
from the wrong people
they were the ones that when push came to shove
they only thought inside their own church steeples.
Friday, December 28, 2012
The Warmth Of Him
The warmth of him on a cold night
being in my arms to stop me from shivering
it's the kind of feeling I'd like to share
with the one I love
with the one who I care the most - and cherish.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Poetry
Crazy
Some say I'm the one who's gone crazy
others say I'm just lazy
I've got too much time on my hands
that I'm wasting my life by not meeting ends
which is it then, this I want to know
am I crazy, or am I like they say - an on the draw I am slow
it's just that listening to the world sometimes isn't right
their only means is to take away all my fight
they wish to see me beaten down
never smiling always with a frown
so I ask again,
is the world the one who's crazy, or am I really the crazy one then?
Some say I'm the one who's gone crazy
others say I'm just lazy
I've got too much time on my hands
that I'm wasting my life by not meeting ends
which is it then, this I want to know
am I crazy, or am I like they say - an on the draw I am slow
it's just that listening to the world sometimes isn't right
their only means is to take away all my fight
they wish to see me beaten down
never smiling always with a frown
so I ask again,
is the world the one who's crazy, or am I really the crazy one then?
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Milestone
I'd like to take a moment to reflect on the fact that back in June of this year I started this blog. Thanks to all my viewers, I now have 1000 views. Keep viewing folks and I'll keep on publishing. Thanks, again. xoxoxo
Friday, December 21, 2012
Ho Ho Yum !!!
Now Here are two Santas I would love to see come down my chimney. Bet we could warm each other nicely on a cold night.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Visuals
I like to watch snow fall
the pretty way the wind carries the flakes to their destination
whether they land on hills, flat ground, atop mountains, or buildings or trees
it's just such a wondrous thing to see
almost magical.
I guess it's one of the things I like about Winter the most.
Just sitting inside and staring out the window watching the snow fall.
Gorgeous.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Poetry
Bored
I sit here my body aching
my mind is wandering
wonder where I'm going
what to me is this life showing
that is not boring.
*
I sometimes wonder
as I sit in silence and ponder
what is this thing called life
that keeps cutting me like a knife
I sometimes think why bother.
*
Will I be bored with life or will it be full of surprises
my life seems so meaningless
almost tedious
I sometimes don't know what is life's meaning
it feels so demeaning.
Poetry
On The Outside Looking In
Do you know me?
Do you hate me?
Do you love me?
Do you care about me?
Do you feel bad when I do -
feel sad when I do -
cry when I cry -
shed tears of happiness and sorrow -
the way and exact times I do?
Do you laugh with me instead of at me?
How can you say that - you don't even know me.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Poetry
To Be Young, Again
Age it is said is never old
never grow up, to never grow cold
everything eventually dries up and turns to dust
it is said it is a must
life starts gradually slowing
till the heart stops eventually beating
I wonder if this must be the truth
why can't I hang onto my youth
why is it a fleeting thing
always it is parting
I would love to believe I will never grow old
is that too straightforward, is that too bold
one day I know it will be my turn
just pack me away in a shiny urn
put me on a fireplace mantel
oh the stories about me everyone will tell
will they really know of my personal hell
these are the remains of me
of someone who once be.
Poerty
I Sit And Ponder
If I died tonight
how would they remember me
how would they remember my life
these are just some things I ponder if I will ever see.
*
It makes my head, body ache
thinking about the cruelties of the world
and about the people have allowed things to be unfurled.
*
I don't know if there is anything I can do or say
that could possibly change my fate
to change the evils of our ways
before it is too late, or is it already too late.
*
So if you ask me why I ponder
on if I died tonight
I sometimes sit and wonder
maybe it is the reason why I ponder on who will remember me.
If I died tonight
how would they remember me
how would they remember my life
these are just some things I ponder if I will ever see.
*
It makes my head, body ache
thinking about the cruelties of the world
and about the people have allowed things to be unfurled.
*
I don't know if there is anything I can do or say
that could possibly change my fate
to change the evils of our ways
before it is too late, or is it already too late.
*
So if you ask me why I ponder
on if I died tonight
I sometimes sit and wonder
maybe it is the reason why I ponder on who will remember me.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Poetry
Pain
Let me please die
let this be the end of my plight
and send me to Heaven
where I can soar on angels wings
not to have to worry about even
the most strilfling things in life
away from all - it cuts me like a knife
too many people try to control me
oh yes they all say we
only want for you the best
but I believe they think they are above me, better than me
bring me down - I just lay at rest
I'm too tired and weak to fight anymore
my body is aching and sore
I understand I am not in their circle
and for that I am not supposed to find happiness
I wonder if it all isn't a joke on me though
I look at them and my blood boils with anger
yes I truly believe they will be the death of me
they want me back in a mental ward
so they will never have to, again, see
a poor old wretch such as me
I slip now into the darkness and go one final time inward.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Other Side Of Me
You know oft times I've only put pictures of loving moments between two men, but I can't forget what I am, a bisexual. So I thought this was a sweet, romantic picture I happened to run across. The playful side between a man and a woman. If that were me in that picture, and it ain't, that would be how I'd look with a woman. Cheers To The Ladies. As Well As The Men.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)